Today

Today,
I am lucky to be able to see the light of day
It is painless to utter "Come what may".

Today,
Even though my path is written
But I believe it can be rewritten.

Today,
Marks 8 years
8 years of undeniably being terrified to live life
8 years of thinking I might get bitten
8 years of excrutiatingly being meticulous with living life
8 years is how long ago my path was rewritten.

Today,
8 years ago on the same date
Brings back agonising memories
8 years ago on the same date
I was calming an old lady on the hospital bed (while indirectly calming myself)
8 years ago on the same date
I was shivering from the cold temperature set in the surgical room
8 years ago on the same date
I survived what was a nightmare and was a reality back then
8 years ago on the same date
I came out ALIVE and NOT PARALYSED.

Today,
I am blessed to be given the chance to compose this poem
This kills the neverending boredom
The experience fills up an Excel column
I am proud of what I have become.

To my Mum and Dad.
To Dr Hj Mutalib and the team of orthopedists from HUKM.
To the team of nurses who took care of me.
To Uncle Robert and Aunt Rosie who accompanied me while Mum went home to refresh and cook.
To my friends who visited me and wished me well.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
My heart is filled with gratitude.

Sin Cera,
© Sher™ 09.10.2011

Stalker..? Maybe..

A hint of misplaced smile

Can bring a lot of meanings

But that does not mean

You're ain't a stalker to my eyes

Add me on any social networking site

But I am not anywhere ready to accept

Unless you can prove you're not a stalker

Then maybe, I might just consider.

Or maybe you're just not worth my time.

Ha!

Mumbles

When you realise you have so much time to waste,

You realised how much time you have wasted,

And all of the wasted time you can't get back,

You might also realise that you're off track.

When the thought of someone is still vivid,

You can't help but to live with it,

What do one do with such bittersweet memories?

Why not put them into everlasting melodies?

But what if you wish to forget,

all the things that you do not regret?

But sometimes, the things that you do not regret,

you do not wish to forget.

Day Old Hate

So let's face it this was never what you wanted

But I know it's fun to pretend

Now blank stares and empty threats

Are all I have, they're all I have.

So drown me and if you can

Or we could just have conversation.

And I fall, I fall, I falter

But I'll find you before I drift away

Now you still speak of day old hate

Though your whole world has gone up into flames

And isn't it great to find that you're really worth nothing

And how safe it is to feel safe.

So drown me and if you can

Or we could just have conversation.

And I fall, I fall, I falter

But I'll find you before I drift away

The things we do just to stay alive

The things we do just to stay alive

The things we do just to stay alive

The things we do just to keep ourselves alive.

White Noise

Today, every little thing I hear is white noise.

The constant background noise, the frequency drowns when it reaches my ear.

The heterogeneous mixture of sound waves are being ignored.

The meaningless chatter

The distracting mutter

Bring me a platter

Before the white noise splatters.

So exhausted that I disregard my purpose of being a human

So exhausted that I neglect my own needs

So exhausted that I overlook tasks datelines

So exhausted that I forget to pee~!

I need a vacation, pronto.

Dearest Anna,

One day we were talking about it

Talking about it under the moon and the stars

One day we were talking about it

Talking about the birds and the bees and ... Mars?

One day we were talking about it

Talking about Mr Right

One day we were talking about it

Talking about marrying Mr Right

When will it be?

How will it be?

What will it be?

How old would we be?

(After a few years passed...)

The next day I received THE news

THE news that lights up the sky

The next day I received your invitation

An invitation that was written in ... Thai? LOL

The wait, the anxiety, the curiosity

It will never end

6 months in and you still look like you're 16!

6 months in and I am still envious of you

6 months in and you still look amazing as ever

6 months in and I am still proud of you

Congratulations on your 25th birthday

A quarter of a century, you have made it!

Congratulations on your journey thus far

You will be a great mother, I have no doubt.

Sine cera,

© Sher™ 2011

Joshua Radin - The Fear You Won't Fall

Digging a hole and the walls are caving in

Behind me air's getting thin but I'm trying

I'm breathing in

Come find me

It hasn't felt like this before

It hasn't felt like home before you

And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel

This way

And I miss you more than I should

Than I thought I could

Can't get my mind off of you

I know you're scared that I'll soon be over it

That's part of it all

Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won't fall

It hasn't felt like this before

It hasn't felt like home before you

And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel

This way

And I miss you more than I should than I thought I could

Can't get my mind off of you

And I hate the phone

But I wish you'd call

Thought being alone

Was better than was better than

And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel this way

And I miss you more than I should

Than I thought I could

Can't get my mind off of you

Can't get my mind off of you

And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel

This way

And I miss you more than I should

Than I thought I could

Can't get my mind off of you

Look Into My Eyes

That One Person

Sometimes the things you want the most don't happen and what you least expect happens. I don't know - you meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you. And then you meet one person and your life is changed forever.

That's Logical

I much rather do something and regret it than regret something I haven't done.

What is LOVE?

I'm tired of crying
I don't want to cry, no more
But you keep pulling me back in
I can't stay away long, for sure.

What is it with you?
It hurts so much to be with and without you
At times you ignore my presence
You are an IDIOT for not appreciating ME.

I compromise, I give in
You see it, but you don't care for it
Am I stupid for hanging around?
Am I dumb for sticking around?

Life is cruel, life is a b*tch
You don't know what you have, until you lose it
I don't know whether it's a phase, will this pass?
I want you to SEE ME more, as a lover and not a stranger.

Tell me..

There is something in my eyes

You ask, "Is everything alright?"

I look up to the sky

I long for something more

Reach out your hand to me

I want you to understand

I want you to tell me "You'll never have to wish again."

So that I know, that after tonight

I don't have to look up at the stars

I know by the end of tonight

I don't have to look up at the stars

I need to know, if the love is alright

I don't have to look up at the stars

I know by the end of tonight

I don't have to look up at the stars

I want you to ask, "Come away with me."

I want you to ask, "Come fly away with me."

So that after tonight, I don't have to look up at the stars again

Cause we both know, that the love is alright.

A Careless Getaway..

Someone once asked me, "Describe your dream holiday."

Here it is..

Walking barefooted along the sky blue sea on perfect white sand leaving empty joyful footprints..

Gentle breeze that will swiftly brush my hair and send chills down to my spine..

A cosy house by the beach overlooking the great sea with benches on the verandah facing the sun set..

A place where it's walking distance to everything so that I don't have to burn fuel and destroy nature..

Picking fresh veges from a box of well-planted greens and non-greens to make a sumptuous meal..

Having wine at dinner in a local diner where everyone greets you like they have known you for years..

And all these are done with a loved one, of course..

Morning Quote

It has been said that time heals the wound. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue & the pain lessens, but it is never gone.

Rose Kennedy

A Choice

When life throws at you choices

With a heavy heart, you have to make a decision.

Either this or that

That is what you have chosen.

It might hurt many, but it definitely did hurt one

Whatever it is, you have chosen.

You don't get to question "What if?"

Cause you have chosen.

A simpleton could see

That you have chosen.

Gravity

Something always brings me back to you.

It never takes too long.

No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.

You keep me without chains.

I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.

Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.

But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.

When I thought that I was strong.

But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.

Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.

But you're on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I

Try to make you see that you're

Everything I think I need here on the ground.

But you're neither friend nor foe though I

Can't seem to let you go.

The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

You're keeping me down, yeah, yeah, yeah

You're onto me, onto me and all over

Something always brings me back to you

It never takes too long

You're losing me...

I hold on to your promise

I hold on to what I believe

I dislike assuming things

I dislike playing pretend

You owe me this much

Yet you owe me nothing

How long shall I wait?

How long can I wait?

I am not the first prize

Nor am I a consolation

If ever you break my heart

I would fall so deep that I would not able to wake up

So tell me now, the sooner the better

I am willing to hear, whatever the matter

For I shall rise or I shall fall

I will try my best to keep standing tall

© Sher™ 2011

-NULL-

Trying to quash this feeling

Trying to invalidate everything

Trying to fill this void

Trying to nullify my heart

This emptiness is hurting

You no longer occupy my...

*shaking head*

.

..

...

....

.....

:

:

:

© Sher™ 2011

After life. No, wait!

Have you ever wondered what the "light at the end of the tunnel" looks or rather feels like?
Well, I did.

I always wonder how my parents would react to a phone call, "Mam/Sir, your daughter... is dead."
How will they take it? How about my friends and relatives?
Will they cry and mourn? If so, how long?
Will I be deeply missed? Or just forgotten like when speckles of dust set adrift by the gentle breeze?
Where would my body go? Where would my ashes go?
Will I still be "awake" to "notice" things?
What is it like after.. life?

Where would my belongings go?
Will my mum decide to keep them as it is in my room? Or give them away or would she bury them along with me... six feet under?

What would happen if I had not gone through that surgery (almost) 8 years ago?
Will I succumb to death earlier? By 30? Like my orthopeadist adviced?
Would I have suffered more now without the spine correction?
If so, how bad?

I guess all of the above don’t matter anymore.

The most important question is, what would have happened if my mum did not enquire the local doctor about the hump on my back?

**********************************************************************************

No matter what the decision was, I am on this path, this journey.
My past determines and shapes my future.
I am content.
I am appreciating all the things that have happened (and not what WOULD have happened.)
I am looking at life with a positive outlook. It is easier said than done, of course.
And I can only plan as my fate is written in the stars.
Take a step back and look…

Maybe I'm Wrong

Can you put the past away?

Have you ever wonder

What if?

Come June..

I've got this motivation to keep pushing myself to go further.

I've got this goal that makes me want to step up even higher.

I've got this feeling that I know I can do this which makes me stronger.

I am adamant, to achieve this goal, no matter how long or how hard it takes.

I just have to keep my head straight.

Be in the game.

Cause I know once I slip, it's harder for me to get back on.

This might affect my loved ones or people around me.

But if it's for the better, I shall keep on doing this.

Note to self: I've got this.

But what is IT? Really?

*shrugs*

And If My Heart Should Somehow Stop

The wind changed, the first day that you came through
cut the corn, washed it clean
now everything that's ever gone before, is just a blur
it's all because of you
and now i find, this cities like a stranger to me
I once was fooled by cadillacs and honey
but no one feels like you
not like you
not like you
not like you

Cause even though the flower fades something takes it's place
a marching band on a sunny day, two pretty eyes or a a pretty face

Then in the forest i made my home
lay down on hard and ancient stone
then if my heart should somehow stop
I'll hang on, to the hope
that you're not too late
that you're not too late


And there are times I know when I will have to chase you
the further from my side you go, the longing grows
and though I hate this, I'll still want you,
I will hate this, but I'll still want you

Even though the flower dies somethings by it's side
a helping hand or a kiss goodbye, to ease it on it's way

Longing...

The touch of your hand is like Chardonnay

I never could get enough of it even if I try

If you want to do it all over again, you may

Because I love every second of it, I can't lie.

© Sher™ 2011